Thinking of my boy / Mom
My boy that's what he was and is my boy, my son Joseph. My first born child. I fell in love with him the very second I knew that his heart was beating below mine. The love for this child, the anticipation grew with each passing day until the day of his birth. March 18th, 1982 is the day that Joseph entered this world. It is the day that God gave me a perfect little boy. Joseph was my son in life and remains my son for eternity. His smile, his laughter, his jokes and those silly times we shared are a part of my very life. His hurts, his tears, his pain are also a part of who I am, who we his mother and sister have become. He was an extremely loved person and he was an extremely loving person. He had his moments of anger, his moments of words said that he wished he could take back. He was a real person, he was a good person. Joseph was not perfect but he was the genuine deal. He was never, ever a phony a fake. Joseph was the bravest person I have ever known in my life and I admired his bravery greatly. I miss my boy, my child, my forever young son. He made me laugh so much, he made me cry so much, he always made me feel so much. Three years have past since I last hugged my boy and I cry and cry when I think of that. It breaks my heart that I could not be there to comfort him in his final moments, to hold him and carry him home. I know that God, Jesus and our Blessed Mother were there with him and that they raised him into the light. Joseph believed in God, Joseph is in paradise and finally there is no pain for my boy, my child, my son. I want to hug you, I want to laugh with you and smile with you and hold that big hand of yours. I miss you my boy..........................always. until I see that beautiful face of yours and get that big hug from you ....................I miss you mom Close
I miss u terribly / Mom
Joseph I miss u so terribly. I keep thinking of that day when I was hugging you and you were crying and now I need you to hug me because I'm crying and I feel the pain so deeply. I know you are in better hands now, and I can hear you saying to me "mama I'm flying"...now you can go anywhere now you are free but I miss u so very much. I have never missed anyone so. I know that you are now with Jesus......you are soaring. I feel your happiness......Please send my a sign to let me know your really okay I love you my son I love you so. How I ask can God take a child from his mother....why.why.why. I am filled with sorrow. I am the one who has survived you and when I think of you laying dead the pain rips me apart. This is what it is to have your child die. I CAN'T STAND IT...IT HURTS TO MUCH. You should be here/ I would trade places with you in a second if God would take me and give you back.
Fly, fly little wing Fly beyond imagining The softest cloud, the whitest dove Upon the wind of heaven's love Past the planets and the stars Leave this lonely world of ours Escape the sorrow and the pain And fly again
Fly, fly precious one Your endless journey has begun Take your gentle happiness Far to beautiful for this Cross over to the other shore There is peace forever more But hold this memory bittersweet Until we meet
Fly, fly do not fear Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear Your heart is pure, your soul is free Be on your way, don't wait for me Above the universe you'll climb On beyond the hands of time The moon will, rise the sun will set But I won't forget
Fly, fly little wing Fly where only angels sing Fly away, the time is right Go now, find the light
I HAVE FOUND THAT MY TRUE, REAL FRIENDS NEVER SAY TO ME "CEASE TO GRIEVE".....MY REAL FRIENDS SAY LET ME GREIVE WITH YOU!
I HAVE FOUND THAT MY REAL FRIENDS...CALL ME AND CALL ME AGAIN, EVEN WHEN I DON'T RESPOND, EVEN IF I NEVER RESPOND BECAUSE THEY KNOW HOW I HAVE SUFFERED AND HOW I CONTINUE TO DO SO
I HAVE FOUND THAT SOME PEOPLE HAVE LEFT MY LIFE, ONLY TO GIVE ME THE OCCASIONAL PHONE CALL.....I KNOW THAT THEY JUST COULDN'T TAKE IT OR ME
I HAVE FOUND THAT SOME PEOPLE WHO SAID THEY LOVED ME AND MY DAUGHTER AND WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE FOR US...ARE GONE
I HAVE FOUND THAT PEOPLE I NEVER REALLY KNEW WELL HAVE BEEN THE MOST CARING AND COMPASSIONATE
I HAVE FOUND THAT I NEED A GREAT DEAL OF ALONE TIME
I HAVE FOUND THAT I MISS MY SON MORE THEN EVER AND THAT FEELING HAS NOT GONE AWAY BUT GOTTEN STRONGER
my private message in Italian for Joseph / MOM Read >>
my private message in Italian for Joseph / MOM
Mio caro figlio JOSEPH Io prego per voi ogni giorno come cerco di avvicinarsi a Dio. Mi deve credere in modo tale che so dove siete ...
Prego che la mia fede aumenti e che posso trovare conforto dal nostro caro Gesù con cui si cammina ancora. Voglio avere una più profonda fede in modo tale che ho veramente sapere che lei, Giuseppe a vivere e sono in attesa che io unisco a voi un giorno in paradiso
Il mio unico figlio, il mio Giuseppe Il mio cuore è il sanguinamento e il mio dolore mancanti si è così profonda Nessuno qui sulla terra, ad eccezione di altre mamme che hanno perso il loro figlio, capire. Mi sento pazzo e Numb. Lei è stato il mio bambino e mi sono sentita così di protezione di voi e ora il tuo morti, come posso stare. E 'così difficile e credo che ho let you down e mi sento così colpevole. Vorrei sono stati il coraggio di unirmi a voi e spero che al di là di speranza che veramente si riunirà me quando muoiono. Linda amo tanto e ha bisogno di me così tanto, ha bisogno di amore e la mia forza. Credo che io sono la spina dorsale della sua vita, proprio ora. Quindi, non posso lasciare adesso, ma un giorno mi come il mio dolore mancanti si è troppo grande. E nessuno sa veramente come mi sento. Penso di essere stato cercando di uccidere me stesso per gli ultimi tre anni, ma passivamente .. di oltre il fumare, mangiare, bere .. mi è stato solo di 200 libbre. Linnie è stato sconvolto su di me. Ho smesso di fumare, mangiare tutto ciò che alimenti e bevande .. ora non ho alcun uscire da questo profondo, profondo dolore e mi sento elicoidale all'interno senza dove andare, se non uscire da mancanti. mom loving you always
I'm not gone, I'm just out of sight I'm not gone, I'm just in the light. I'm not gone, I'm just out of hearing. I'm not gone, I'm with you in spirit. So, hug me often Even though you can't see me. Hug me often and tell me you love me I still see and hear all that you do. So hug me often, Cause I still love you too! Joseph .... stay close to your mom
May 8th / MOM
I had to come here to vent, to scream, to cry...I had to see your face, I want, WANT to hear your voice. My mind won't stop with the memories....thinking, thinking....it's a torture. I want you to come back now, it has been long enough. I want you to come back HEALED! Joseph you had no idea what this, your death would do to me, to my life. I know you were suffering. I live with that every day, that you were in such terrible pain. Linnie misses you so much. Today 3 years ago was Mother's Day.... you left us at what I believe was 4 AM. How the hell could I be asleep at the time you died...how the hell could I wake up and get ready for work and not know in my heart you left. I remember feeling strange that morning, I knew, just knew something was not right. Little did I know that in about two hrs. I would be called on my cell phone and told that you, my son, my child, you were dead. DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can that be, while I remain here. I pray that you are happy. I offer up any suffering that I experience to God for you. You suffered so much now you must be, have to be..........HAPPY, finally HAPPY. I love you Joseph, always did -- always will. my heart is broken mom Close
MAY 9TH ....................-....................-.. / Mom (JOE'S MOM FOREVER )Read >>
MAY 9TH ....................-....................-.. / Mom (JOE'S MOM FOREVER ) Joe, Here I am again writing to you. Did I write this much to you when you were right here. Of course not. Did I tell you how much I loved you...That I know I did. I know you had to leave. I know how you felt and I know the pain you were in, the torture. Now I am in a different pain, a torture. I can not describe what this is like..to bury you only son, your flesh and blood. The day they buried your body they buried half of my heart with you. That part of my heart is gone. Remember when you and Linnie were young and you both would ask me "who do you love better", and I would say "I have two arms, would I want to lose one...NO, you are both my heart and I love you both desperately, completely and forever"....now one arm is missing, now half of my heart left with you. Joe, I hope that you were right and that there is an afterlife and I dream that when you arose down the path of light the angels were singing and you were light, and free and the happiest you could ever hope to be. I dream that grandpa was there to greet you with his arms opened wide. I bet he was overwhelmed with love for you. I think that he hugged you so very tight but at the same time gave you a smack on the rear and said "you naughty boy"...... I hope with every breath that I take that you are in an extremely happy and peaceful place. I hope that my tears and sorrow do not burden your soul. It is only "natural" for a mom's heart to break when her child is gone from this life. May 9th swiftly approaches and I am re-living each day up to that day...what you did, said, felt, what we did together...Little did I know it would be our final hug, our final I love you, our final kiss goodbye. You hugged me so tight...why oh why couldn't I know that it was the last. I love you baby....so so much, momClose
Brahms Lullaby for you in paradise my dearest son / Mom Read >>
Brahms Lullaby for you in paradise my dearest son / Mom
A full life turns neither from grief nor from joy. A full life becomes like that of Zora Neale Hurston, who wrote
"I have been in sorrow's kitchen and licked out all the pots. Then I have stood on the peaky mountain wrapped in rainbows, with a harp and a sword in my hands. "
To lick out all the pots of sorrow and still rejoice in rainbows: could we hope for a more prfound expression of gratefulness.
Joe, I am so grateful that I had you in my life. I loved you so much and I love you still. I feel you around me sometimes, I think I can hear your laugh in the distance. I have licked out all the pots filled with my sorrow and I have stood on the higest peak searching for a rainbow with hope in my heart that I will one day see you again.
HELEN LOGIE MUM OF PETER & GLEN / HELEN LOGIE (MEMBER P.O.S. )
A beautiful tribute to your precious son Joseph. He is now at peace and is together with my sons Peter and Glen who also died by suicide. I am so sorry that we have to share this grief but thank God that we can do this together.
With love and thanks from another heart-broken Mum, Helen in Cape Town, Mum of Peter and Glen Close
MARCH 18th YOUR BIRTH DAY.. / Mom
Today is not a happy day for me. I am overwhelmed with tears. I am bombarded by memories. I remember every moment of the day you were born. I can remember the way the air smelled, the way the sun shown so bright that it hurt my eyes. The pain of giving life to you is NOTHING compared to the pain of now living through your death. I can't stand it. I feel such deep, internal pain. My heart feels like it is broken, literally broken. I always told you that you and your sister were two half of my heart and it's true. It feels like, although, one half is beating, the other half is gone. I know I loved you completely because I am in so much pain since you left us. There are two memories that seem to flash in my mind a great deal. The moment of your birth, the moment I saw you in your coffin. I want to throw myself on the floor and start screaming and never stop...that's how I feel when the picture of you laying there in that coffin comes into my head. I want to tear my hair out, I want to punch my fist through the wall that separates us. Death is so frustrating for the living. You know what I mean, Joe. It is just horrendous. I talk to you and if you answer me; I can't hear you. I reach out to hold your hand; and if you are reaching back I can't feel your touch. I go to your grave and knock our special knock but the knock remains hanging in the air, because you never knock that final answer knock. I went to our "old" house on Arnow Avenue. I just parked the car and closed my eyes and there you were Joe, there you and Linney and grandpa were....I want to go back, back to that "happy" time in all of our lives. If I could I would crawl back on my knees. So, this day, this is not a "happy" day for me. It is a day filled with a great deal of emotion and memories. I read what your sister wrote and I cried. I looked at the picture that has the past frozen time, a time when we were all together and happy. It made me cry. I have done a lot of that. My dear Joseph, you were so much like me...you could always make me laugh, you could always make me cry. You were my angel on earth and now you are our angel in heaven. Please give your sister a hug today as her heart is forever broken too. We love you, love you, love you, love you. Miss you so much, so very much... mom Close
March 18th ~ Your Birthday / Linney (sister)Read >>
March 18th ~ Your Birthday / Linney (sister)
Dear Joe,
Today you would be 26. I looked back at the message I wrote to you last year, and I had said that no matter how much time passes, you will always be my big brother. I still feel this way. It is difficult to say "Happy" Birthday, because for Mom and I, it is anything but happy. We want to be celebrating with you, laughing and having fun. We were such a close little family, the three of us, so this is very hard for both Mom and me. We just miss you so much.
Take away our tears and our pain from missing you, and we only want you to be so very happy where you are today. So I am sure you will be having a celebration today, with Dad and Grandpa, Grandma and all her brothers and sisters including Aunt Emily, and of course Aunt Tina, who is watching over her beautiful family, and everyone else...hey, you've got more family on your side than we do over here!!!
Haha, in the picture above of your 10th birthday, I made you that silly hat to wear! It looks fashionable, doesn't it? Man, who knew Mom and I would lose our three best men? But sometimes, Joe, I can feel your presence, like you're standing behind us or with us, holding us. I hope that is true.
Please celebrate today with us as we celebrate the time we had with you. Mom's been talking about converting her 8mm tapes to DVDs. I think 8mm is what they had in the prehistoric era before VHS. So if we find some place to convert them, she is going to try to make me watch the footage of our births. I think she used to bother us about seeing them in the past, too. But I think as long as she has everything on DVDs, she will be happy, even if I do run out of the room!
What a beautiful tribute / Sandra David's Mom POS Read >>
What a beautiful tribute / Sandra David's Mom POS
What a beautiful tribute to a special young man. I'm sure he is smiling down from heaven on his mother and sister. So sorry for your loss Close
Hi Joe, It's me again, missing you, as usual. They say that time heals....well their wrong. Time has just made me long for you more and I can't help but wonder who you would be today. I wonder if you would be feeling stronger, better. Sometimes I make believe that your living in Florida or some other state where it would take a plane for us to visit. Sometimes I pretend that your the father of a couple of kids and that your fine, well and happy and will visit soon. Sometimes I see a guy who looks like you driving a car that I think you would have wanted. He's in front of me so I easily slip into pretending that he is you and that I'm following you to our destination. I am quickly jolted out of my fantasy by a car horn which brings me back to the painful truth. But, for that small time I am cheered by thoughts of you alive, and well and happy. As you know I talk to you all the time and of course I hope so much, so very much that you really hear me. I don't want to cause you any pain or suffering and I know that at times I have been completely inconsolable. I really hope that my sorrow or tears have not hurt you in anyway. I keep looking for a sign from you and I know that if I get one, that one, won't be enough....I will always want more. So, you rest my sweet boy, my angel. You rest, and you laugh as you soar with the angels. I just know that when you entered heaven all of the angels were smiling even as I was heartbroken. I know that you are with Jesus and the Blessed Mother and she gets to comfort you and hold you, now. I miss you so very much. There is not a day I don't feel that pain. I love you, my Joseph, I love you...always did, always will. Let's meet in our dreams. mom
Always missing you my dear son...Joseph / Mom Read >>
Always missing you my dear son...Joseph / Mom
'An unimaginable, indescribable loss has taken place. It has inflicted a wound so deep that numbness and excruciating pain are the material of which it is made' (Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, On Grief and Grieving).
You are in the arms of the angels and I know in my heart that the second you entered heaven all of the angels were smiling.... Joseph I miss you every day, every night. I love you so, mom
Joseph once again MISSING U / MOM
Dearest son, So here I am the world spins on and I'm forever missing you. I must tell you that I am angry. I am so angry at the "cards you were dealt". You did NOT DESERVE the hand, my dearest Joseph, my boy. No one, no one can understand my pain unless they too have lost their child. No one can understand the strength it takes every single day to get up, get dressed and get on with it. Linnie is my heart, my strength. You knew that, I know that you did. I can carry on and do what I have to do, what I must do for her, your sister. But know dear Joseph, dear son please know that you took a big part of me with you and I lay with you, along side you in your grave. I am so angry that you had to suffer, you who came into this world so fragile, beautiful, loving, smart oh so bright. I am just so sorry that I couldn't help you to overcome your pain. Joseph there is not one day since you have been gone that I don't think about you. I wish I had more then words to reach you. I love you, I love you so. mom Close
YOU ARE NOT FAR FROM MY LOVE / MOM
Dearest Joseph,
I can't stop thinking about you or longing for you. They say that "time makes it better" they lie. Time has not made it better, time has only made me miss you more and long to hug you and talk with you. Now we are coming up on the holidays. The holidays that you used to love. I will always remember you and your sister waking me up so very early on Christmas morning and screaming "Santa came, he really came" while you and Linney were looking at all of your presents unders our big tree. I miss that happiness so very much. I long for those days just as you did. I remember you told me that you loved your childhood, that you were so happy. You thanked me for making Christmas beautiful and fun for you. I didn't thank you and I should have. You gave me Christmas. You brought Christmas back to me. When you were born so was Christmas, for me. Then you beautiful sister arrived three years later and you and she gave me so much happiness. You both were my gift. Now, Linney and I carry on and we both miss you so much. It is hard for her because where she once had a brother now she is an only child. She misses you greatly. You, Joseph were our only son and only brother. You were a part of our tight circle of three. You can not remove that nor erase that love. It is not gone, you are not gone. Just as Christmas comes every year so do our memories, our sweet, wonderful memories of our adorable son and brother. You did not die alone. When you left you took a big part of me with you. I have my happy, funny wonderful memories of you and of you and your sister together, laughing, playing. I hold on to my memories of you my Joseph. I will never, ever, never forget the joy, love, beauty you brought into my life. I will never ever let you go. Death did not destroy my love for you or my connection to you. I am your mom and always will be your mom. Here on earth, there in heaven I am your mom. Death did not take you away from us, it will not win, it has not won. I may not be able to see you or call you and hear your voice. But, I talk to you all of the time and I think about you always and you live Joseph, you live through your sister and through me and someday through Linney's kids. You are not gone and don't think for even one second that you are. I love you and if I could I would go to where you are and grab hold of you and NEVER LET GO until I forced you right back into this world. Death did not end anything, Joseph, I will not allow it to. Love you baby, loved you yesterday, love you today and will continue to love you all of my life. XXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Close
A beautiful way to remember and homor / Jean Brown (POS member )Read >>
A beautiful way to remember and homor / Jean Brown (POS member )
What a beautiful way to remember and honor your precious son, Joseph. I am so sorry for your loss. I can really relate to your words about how courageous and strong Joseph lived. I lost my only son, Brian, on 6/13/07. I did not know how he suffered until two weeks before his death. But I cannot be angry with him. He was so strong and courageous, and now he has peace and is with the lord. I wish you quite nights, fond memories, and visits from Joseph.
With fondest thoughts and prayers, Jean, mom of Brian Close
Tributes and Condolences
