My Dear Son Joseph / Mom
Hi baby, I'm just sitting here thinking about you. There is not a moment that goes by that I don't have you in my mind, and heart. I loved you so much Jospeh and I can't even consider that you didn't know that. I remember the day you were leaning on the post watching me drive away......so sad, you looked so sad. I wish I could go back to the moment and back up and just hold you, hug you and tell you what I felt watching you in my rear view mirror... I didn't know that you would be dead just day's later, my boy, my baby....God how I loved you, how I love you, how I miss you. I don't know when, but I know that some day we will be together again..................................................................
Can you see the change in me? It may not be obvious to you. I participate in family activities. I attend family reunions. I help plan holiday meals. You tell me you're glad to see that I don't cry any more. *But I do cry!* When everyone has gone, When it is safe, The tears fall. I cry in privacy so my family won't worry. I cry until I am exhausted and can finally sleep.
You tell me you admire my strength and my positive attitude. *But I'm not strong!* I feel that I have lost control, and I panic when I think about tomorrow… next week… next month…. next year. I go about the routine of my job. I complete my assigned tasks. I drink coffee and smile. *But I'm not "over" it!* If I get over it, I will be the same as before my baby died. I will never be the same. At times I think I am beginning to heal, but the pain of losing someone I loved so much has left a permanent scar on my heart. I visit my neighbors. You tell me you're so glad to see I'm holding up so well. *But I'm not holding up well!* Sometimes I want to lock my door and hide from the world. I spend time with friends. I appear calm and collected. I smile when appropriate. You tell me it's good to see me back to my "old self." *But I will never be back to my "old self!" * Death and grief have touched my life, and I am forever changed.* *Author Unknown…but someone who's lost a child.* Close
from your childhood friend Elaine / Elaine (childhood friend )Read >>
from your childhood friend Elaine / Elaine (childhood friend )
Joseph,
I just wanted to tell you I went to the Bronx on Friday and I went to the feast and the church was open, So I sat down and I said a prayer for you. St. Theresa is such a beautiful church, I really wish I visited it more. I know you had a deep interest in religion and I just wanted to say thats wondeful and as I sat there I remembered our Communion day and how special it was! I love you and I know as time went on we lost touch but true friends are for always, distance never erases the bond we had back then, and sure we had our fights, but thats what kids do, they argue for fun, and I just love you so much, I have so many fond memories, and I am glad that your sister and I keep in touch, shes a wonderful girl, and your mother was always so kind and just a good person. I will never forget that. I miss you Joe, but you will always be in my heart. Rest peacefully, sweet Joe.
Dear Linda and Linney - Joseph lives in both of you. They say that when they are gone their spirits want us to keep their memory alive as nourishment for their souls. I believe that Joseph and Sammy as well as my brother Domenic would have never ever committed this act had they known what it would do to the rest of us. I often tell my children and my nephews that their pain had to be so strong to commit this final act with really no goodbyes and just so final. Did they not know that the next day we would all be in mourning? Obviously not or they wouldn't have done it.
They all have work to do as far as I am concerned. They have a purpose in heaven and if they can save just one more kid from doing this then their death was not in vain.
Linda they say life has to go on - yes I agree but losing a child is the hardest thing to recover from. I know my sister and my mom who lost Domenic 26 years ago is still grieving for her son.
Dear Joseph, / Mom
I visit your site daily just to see your smiling face and I smile the second I see you. But, then my heart sort of drops and the longing for your immediately begins. I was talking to you last night, did you hear me? I can't explain the pain in my heart, and I know that I will never be the same again. You were my child for 23 years of the life you had on this earth and now suddenly your physical presence is gone. Yet, I feel you with me all of the time and I believe that you are with your sister, watching over her. Linnie said to me once "now I'm an only child" .....she thought you would always be in her life, she knew that what ever the future held for you she would always be there for you no matter what! I sit sometimes and just wonder if you realized what your death would do to us, to me. I wonder if you can see me and feel what I am feeling. I want you to be completely happy and I fear that my tears disturb that in someway. I can't help it. Do you realize what your death has done to me? Did you know how important you were to Linnie and I and what you meant to us? I loved you so much and still continue to do so. I remember when it was me, you and Linnie against the world. The three of us together. We miss that. I close my eyes and I see you running free and I hear you laughing and I want you to be in paradise. I visit your grave sometimes and wonder if you know that I am there. I knock the knock we always used but get no response, I wait expecting it. I talk to you there, I cry for you there and I think when I'm dead no one will visit you...Linnie finds it to painful. But when I die I will be there with you, won't I? Although I want to be with you right now, see that delightful smile of yours and hear your words again, like on that last night..."Mom I love you" I fear death only because I don't want to leave our Linnie. Now she is an only child. Who will be here for her. I know she will have people in her life but never her "blood" I'm the last of it. Joe, there is not one day, not one night that I don't want you back in our lives. I understand why you left and I'm so, so, very sorry that you became ill and this illness destroyed you. I hate it, I hate it so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sweetheart please watch over your sister and protect her. Help her to heal. Words do not give justice to how I feel for you my child, my son. I love my children...Joseph and Linnie in my yesterdays, in today and all my tomorrows. RIPMYJOE mom Close
from Roni, Joseph's girlfriend / Roni Drucker (girlfriend)Read >>
from Roni, Joseph's girlfriend / Roni Drucker (girlfriend)
Hi Joe. I really miss you. You were a big part of my life and left a huge hole to fill when you passed away. I will always love and remember you for the kind, sweet and considerate guy you were. we had so much fun together. I know you are happier now in heaven than you were on earth where you suffered. I am happy that you are no longer suffering. Love, Roni Close
To Joseph my Son's ANGEL FRIEND / Marvin Hardin (Son's ANGEL Friend )Read >>
To Joseph my Son's ANGEL FRIEND / Marvin Hardin (Son's ANGEL Friend )
Hello Joseph
I know you have met my Son, and the two of you along with the others are having a great time. I know your Mom from pos,She is a great lady.You all get together and send her lots of ANGEL HUGS!!!!!Joseph you are missed by many,but will never be forgotten,and always LOVED!!!!!
Marvin Sr.Pop of Marvin Jr.(Marvo) Close
Hi baby / Mom
I was just reading some things that have been written here for you and about you. I was reading what your sister wrote. I started to cry and felt the pain deep in my chest. There is no pain that I have ever suffered that compares to this. To not be able to visit with you, talk to you, touch you, hug you, comfort you is just too much for me. It is every day past it is today present and it is what the future has instore for me, unti the day I see your fantastic smile, hear your laugh and am wrapped in your tight hug. I hear you say that I am the best mother you could ever have...then why couldn't I save you? I ask myself this every day. But, I want you to know that I understand. I truly understand. I want you to be finally enveloped in happiness and have no pain, no doubts, no sorrow. Every day and every night I pray for your happiness in paradise. You deserve that as you really suffered in this world. I want to talk to you and since I can't I always feel comforted in some small way by writing to you. So, today please hear me, I hope....You are NOT forgotten, you will NEVER be forgotten. You are my child, you are part of me and each breath I take until the last you are a part of. Please watch over your sister with you love and protection to keep her safe. I love you, I miss you my dear sweet boy.
mom XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Close
Hi Joe hun / Doris Heasman (friend of his mom )Read >>
Hi Joe hun / Doris Heasman (friend of his mom )
Hi Joe hun
I just wanted to pop in and get to know you a bit better precious . Your Mom is very special my darling well she musthave been to have a special son like you !!!!! All my love and hello to all the kids up there . Love and hugs Doris (Moniques Mom ) Close
For Joseph / MOM
The Elephant In The Room by Terry Kettering
There's an elephant in the room It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it. Yet we squeeze by with " How are you?" and " I'm fine." And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter. We talk about the weather. We talk about work. We talk about everything else......... except the elephant in the room. There's an elephant in the room. We all know it is there. We are thinking about the elephant as we talk together. It is constantly on our minds. For, you see, it is a very big elephant. It has hurt us all.
But we do not talk about the elephant in the room. Oh, please say his name. Oh, please say "__JOSEPH" again.
Oh, please, lets talk about the elephant in the room. For if I cannot, then you are leaving me Alone...... in the room.... With an elephant.
joe u were a huge part of my life and i can only wait to laugh wit you again! / Joseph Ferrara (next thing to brother )Read >>
joe u were a huge part of my life and i can only wait to laugh wit you again! / Joseph Ferrara (next thing to brother )
joe even though we only knew each other for four years , we became friends that were like brothers , from the first day ur sister introduced me to u , i thought u were a little nutz but that was a good thing cause so waz i , we fought and forgave but in the end we were always there for eachother , i love u joe and ur family , u would be impossable to forget , all the fun times , trips and crazy stuff u me and lynnie and ur mom did together , and i cant wait to hear that disstintive joe laugh again , 1437 joe , - joey f P.S- JOE I REALY HOPE THAT STUPID FUCKIN HEAD PAIN IS GONE I REALY DO JOE. AND I WOULD NEVER EVER FORGET GROWIN UP WIT U GUYS JOE , love you always Close
If I keep holding out,... will the light shine through? Under this broken roof,... it's only rain that I feel I've been wishing out the days,... come back
I have been planning out,... all that I'd say to you Since you slipped away,... know that I still remain true I've been wishing out the days,...
Please say, that if you hadn't of gone now I wouldn't have lost you another way From wherever you are,... come back
And these days, they linger on And in the night, as I'm waiting on The real possibility I may meet you in my dream I go to sleep
If I don't fall apart,.... will the memories stay clear? So you had to go,..... and I had to remain here
But the strangest thing to date So far away And yet you feel so close And I'm not gonna question it any other way
There must be an open door For you to Come back
And the days, they linger on And every night, what I'm waiting for Is the real possibility I may meet you in my dream
And sometimes you're there And you're talking back to me Come the morning I could swear you're next to me
4th of July and your not here...my heart is so empty / Mom Read >>
4th of July and your not here...my heart is so empty / Mom
Joseph....today is 4th of July. Today is a day filled with happy memories of your laughing, your intense happiness. You loved fire works, you loved the joy that 4th of July brought. I remember you today as that happy boy running around with Linnie fixing up all of your fireworks in order. The ones you both wanted to light first and so on. Grandpa there ready to light them for you both, me there worried that one of you would get hurt. I am going to bring myself to watch the movies we have of you and Linnie on past 4th's. I am sitting here crying and longing for you and hoping that today in heaven there are beautiful fire works. Rockets and bursts of colors that we here on earth can only imagine. Joseph I sit here today on the 4th of July alone. It is the first 4th that I have been alone and I am consumed with thoughts and memories of you. I hope that you are in the paradise you dreamed of with all of your brother's and sisters in heaven. This day that is bringing happiness to many is a very sad day for me. I miss your happiness and even the later years when you still looked forward to those fire works. Your happiness was contagious. You and your sister shared so much together and she is so heartbroken and misses you beyond words. I wish I could climb a stairway today up to heaven and spend some time with you and grandpa. Is he lighting the rockets for you today, and are you both watching the beautiful trail of colors left behind in their wake. I want to see you so much and just have a hug and a smile. There is no happiness for me today, there are no fireworks. It is just me and this computer typing out this letter wishing you could read it and know how much you were and still are a part of me.
re: Joseph / Laurie Brock (fellow grieving parent )Read >>
re: Joseph / Laurie Brock (fellow grieving parent )
When I opened up the site and saw Joseph and then the song Rainbow Connection came on I just lost it. When my son Adam was at Children;s Hospital fighting for his life having a bone marrow transplant for his leukemia there was a guy who would come to the unit and play the guitar and sing and that was Adam's favorite song. I felt like Adam was with me looking at Joseph right then. My nephew is fighting demons with mental illness and I worry all the time for my sister. Here My son dies and she has to watch her son suffer daily and he has already attempted suicide three times. He is in a treatment facility but is really not getting better. I know how important it is to say loving kind words to him and I thank you for sharing your son with me tonight. Love you, Laurie
with deepest sympathy and understanding / Judi Hopkin (None except as a member of FFOS, who has lost a loved one to suiced as well! )Read >>
with deepest sympathy and understanding / Judi Hopkin (None except as a member of FFOS, who has lost a loved one to suiced as well! )
Dear Linda What a handsome young man! He looks so happy in that picture and I can only imagine the tremendous loss you must feel. You have been robbed of your dreams for him in a way that none of us should ever have to face.
Thank you so very much for visiting my husband, Willis' web site and for sharing your condolences in his loss. We share in a pain that is so diffiuclt for others to understand.
MAy you find peace and comfort in knowing that others care, we hear your pain and we understand your grief.
I wonder if our loved ones connect in heaven??? I feel so assured t that they are in a place of peace and light and joy, with a God who understands fully what they have suffered and who offers them everlasting love.
GOD BLESS YOU JOSEPH / SAMANTHA HERNANDEZ ANGEL CYNTHIA (PASSERBY)Read >>
GOD BLESS YOU JOSEPH / SAMANTHA HERNANDEZ ANGEL CYNTHIA (PASSERBY)
MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY IN THE LOSS OF YOUR SON JOSEPH. MY THOUGHTS & PRAYERS GO OUT TO YOU & FAMILY. GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS.
To my Joseph / Mom
You weren't a perfect person nor am I You were born of my body and blood but you were your own person I loved you from the second I knew you were a part of me inside me you thrived and I treasured every moment vividly I remember Your butterfly flutters, your taps, your little hand almost poking through the soft flesh of my extended belly your tiny foot...moving, kicking impatient to enter life
Forever leaving an impression on my heart, your foot print on my soul You were safe there inside of me, my body your refuge, your home For a short while you were really mine, a part of my every heart beat For a short time you and I were one person
You entered the world, screaming, kicking, crying
An then......................you left silently................................
I love you, words not enough to express Love you...I say the words and feel the pain they bring I immerse myself in memories of you feelings, thoughts, impressions, I remember you in my very being, my soul, heart, belly Your growing, thriving, your laughter, your smile, your tears, your pain
God....does he hold you now close to his heat, comfort you, cherish you does he hear your laugh, see your eyes sparkle and does he wipe away your tears I am enviously left wanting..............missing does Jesus now speak with you, hear your words can he, did he remove your pain
I am left with silence
You, my son, my Joseph, my little golden haired boy, my sunshine, my rain you remain a part of my very being, of who I am
We remain a part of each other....you with your feet on the other........side me here in this reality I hold you in my memory, my thoughts, my tears, my every moment You....a part of me forever.....for eternity
a song for you. / Elaine (Childhood friend )Read >>
a song for you. / Elaine (Childhood friend )
Joe,
Remember when our mothers had this fascination w this song....I remember we sat in your moms car one night waiting for the song to play so we can hear it for the first time, I will never forget that. This song holds so much more meaning now if you look at the words, because I wish you were still here with me, but I will be content knowing you are in my heart always, I love you so much, it doesn't matter how many yrs pass, friends are for life<33333 love u !
This Used To Be My Playground-Madonna
This used to be my playground This used to be my childhood dream This used to be the place I ran to Whenever I was in need Of a friend Why did it have to end And why do they always say
Don't look back Keep your head held high Don't ask them why Because life is short And before you know You're feeling old And your heart is breaking Don't hold on to the past Well that's too much to ask
Live and learn Well the years they flew And we never knew We were foolish then We would never tire And that little fire Is still alive in me It will never go away Can't say goodbye to yesterday, can't say goodbye
No regrets But I wish that you Were here with me Well then there's hope yet I can see your face In our secret place You're not just a memory Say goodbye to yesterday, the dream Those are words I'll never say, I'll never say
This used to be my playground - used to be This used to be our pride and joy This used to be the place we ran to That no one in the world could dare destroy
This used to be our playground - used to be This used to be our childhood dream This used to be the place we ran to I wish you were standing here with me
This used to be our playground - used to be This used to be our great escape This used to be the place we ran to This used to be our secret hiding place
This used to be our playground - used to be This used to be our childhood dream This used to be the place we ran to The best things in life are always free Wishing you were here with me
Missing You As Usual / Linney (sister) I miss you so much. I still can't believe you died. I hate saying and hearing that word. I want my brother back.. I want to be able to talk to you, to see you, to hug you. I can't believe I don't have you in this world anymore. It hurts so much, the pain is indescribable. Although we go on living, me and mom are lost without you. It's so difficult and unacceptable to know that we cannot help you now. You are somewhere else, but I just want to be here with you. Every day I wish I could get in my car and come visit you like I could have so many times in the past. I always thought I would have you in my life. It angers and saddens me that I am only left with memories, although it is through them that I can relive our happiness together. I am comforted that you are finally experiencing the peace you yearned for so deeply, but the loss of you is unbearable. I want you here with us now. Not a moment goes by that I don't think about you; even when I am smiling, the thought of you seems to underlie everything. I miss and love you with all my heart.
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